God doesn't always answer prayer the way we want.

I haven't posted my nicu update so I will do that.

30 weeks:
Babies born at 30 weeks gestation have a 90-95 percent chance of survival. Babies born at this gestation will typically weigh about 1.3 kg. Babies born at 30 will have some layers of subcutaneous brown fat and will be mature enough to begin to hold their own body temperature but will often still need a little help as they continue to grow. The eyes can now blink and respond to light and to dark. Their retinas are still developing (making them at risk for retinopathy of prematurity) but their eyes can form images. Although the 30 weeker can hear your voice, loud noises are often too much for their underdeveloped neurological system and they will startle easily. When the 30 weeker gets overwhelmed or has had too much activity they may hiccup, sneeze, or even cry- these are outward signs of overstimulation. The bright lights may also be too much for them to handle and they may tire easily. By 30 weeks, premature babies are also starting to develop more coordinated sleep-wake cycles and are starting to have periods of REM sleep. At this stage, a preemie will be awake more, with alert periods lasting several minutes. However, they still will need a lot of sleep and thrive in a dark and quite environment. They are beginning to develop their suck but will not be ready to feed from a bottle or breast yet as they have not developed the coordination to suck, swallow, and breathe all at the same time. Pacifier use and kangaroo care while being fed will help develop the patterns necessary for future feedings. Premature babies born at 30 weeks gestation will still require long NICU stays but may not have some of the more complex medical issues that come with being born at an earlier gestation. (www.peekabooicu.net/2012/02/your-growing-preemie-week-by-week/)

So I'm basically contracting daily now. No more dialation but my doctor said my uterus is gearing up for labor and eventually it's just going to kick into gear and dialate me very quickly. The contractions are very painful and I'm having a lot of back labor. It happens once or twice a day now. I'm also feeling "off". I can't explain it other than to say I just don't feel right.

Today I talked to Jared and I said I was frustrated because I felt like I wasn't trusting God and the administration. I said that I need to trust him that I will make it to 35 weeks because I'm being administered to so much and it's unfair that I feel like I'm going to have these babies very soon. Jared reminded me that that's not what administration is for, it's to place things in Gods hands and to pray that Gods will will be done and praying for a blessing for me, Avalee, and Aubree. So I've accepted that I will probably not get what I want and deliver at 35 weeks. It could happen if that's Gods will, but if it's not, God will grant us all a blessing and we will all be okay. Avalee and Aubree are fighters and making it to 30 weeks is huge. We are very close to 31 also and I feel like we can make it to 31, maybe even 32 although 32 is pushing it. Jared told me that God knows what's best and maybe the answer to prayer is the twins need to come out soon because there is some danger inutero that no one can see and they need to come out. Or that that later on their health or mine will be compromised and he is protecting us. Who knows? Either way I'm trying to come to the acceptance that we will be nicu parents and not bring our babies home for a long time. But I do believe that God will bless the twins and they will be strong when they are born. I'm no so much worried for them as I am sad that they will have to endure all the things the nicu brings and also I won't bring them home when I go home like I had originally planned. But the important thing is that I'm 30.3 weeks pregnant and still not in labor so we can make it a little longer (or a lot longer, who knows)

Now I'm gonna take an Ambian and listen to this lady next door labor. It sounds like her husband/partner is watching a football game and cheering. This is our entertainment for the night. :)